I miss you. I miss holding your hand whenever I’m out adventuring, your tall frame in-step with my petite frame. I miss walking up early in the morning and snuggling your warm body. I miss laughing with you. It’s so effortless and innocent. I miss the person you make me want to be, the person I am in your eyes: brave, unstoppable, loving, and beautiful. I miss your perfect button nose and wondrous eyes. To me, you are the most beautiful person in the world. I miss our staring contests. I miss that Harvard University shirt that 2nd grade Natalie would fit into and when I would pick you up from class, your teacher would tell me how you would brag about your Berkeley attending sister. I miss your jokes and your style and your ability to understand me. At my darkest and hardest hours, you let me be. You didn’t try to cheer me up or force me to see the positive, or tried to make me smile. You let me be me, and that helped me come back from the darkness. I miss the days when all the good I needed was in the room we shared, and after 3:45pm my world was complete and happy.
So, please know, that I miss you too. I miss you more than you can imagine. I miss our days together. You are my sunshine, and sometimes, I think the only one that truly sees me and understands me. I want to wrap my arms around you and tell you everything will be ok. I’m sorry I can’t. And if things aren’t ok right now, they will be so soon because every storm runs out of rain, and sunshine always comes back. Natashenka, I miss you everyday, but please know that I’m still here for you and you’re always in my heart.