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Turning 24

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This is a text widget. The Text Widget allows you to add text or HTML to your sidebar. You can use a text widget to display text, links, images, HTML, or a combination of these. Edit them in the Widget section of the Customizer.

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This is a text widget. The Text Widget allows you to add text or HTML to your sidebar. You can use a text widget to display text, links, images, HTML, or a combination of these. Edit them in the Widget section of the Customizer.

Star Dusted Lens

  • When you keep losing…

    November 13, 2019 by

    I feel stuck. Stuck in my misery, stuck in my sickness. These past few years have been one set back after another, which eventually ended up with me living back at my parent’s house, unable to work, unable to do much physically and mentally. All these ambitions and dreams inside of me withered, I feel like a ghost floating around. Though worst. I’m in the land of the living but I’m not living. I’m in this body that used to do so much, yet now is capable of so little. Small endeavors leave my head in pain and my body… Read more

  • A few of my favorite things…

    October 15, 2019 by

    Recovering from trauma is a long, hard, and more often non-linear road to well-being. Family, close community, and God keep me going forward, but some days seem hard and impossible to overcome. Lately, there are a few things that make my days a little bit lighter. SKIN I’m a huge clear skin fanatic. Since I had bad acne in college, I’ve been on the search for ways to get the flawless complexion I’ve always dreamed of. EMU OIL – this is non-comedogenic (non-pore clogging) oil does wonders for your skin! It’s light and I use it almost every day. I… Read more

  • Purpose from evil & suffering

    September 24, 2019 by

    “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today” Genesis 50:20 A short note on suffering. I don’t believe the cliche that “everything happens for a reason”. This saying is frequently thrown out, but it’s attempts to comfort become trivial in the wake of real tragedy: my mother’s cancer, my father’s abuse, my struggle with jobs, the sexual assault I endured, & the brain trauma I faced last year. It cannot adequately explain the increasing violence, mass shootings, suicides, illnesses,… Read more

  • 28 Lessons for 28 years

    September 24, 2019 by

    Buy yourself flowers, they can brighten up the saddest days & moments, & can ease your suffering. Be realistic with yourself of what you can accomplish in your current circumstance. Do not create extra stress on yourself with unrealistic expectations, especially if you’ve gone through a recent traumatizing or stressful situation. Knowing your limits will eventually help you overcome them, & lead to more current happiness. Usually, less is more. Bold lipstick can make you feel more confident, even on the most daunting days. Do something/anything, instead of being paralyzed by doubt & overthinking. Take that less than perfect job,… Read more

  • turning 24

    November 1, 2017 by

    year 23. This past year I can tell you that I learned to budget money, improved my excel skills, traveled to new places, logged more running miles, got to know some incredible people- though that wouldn’t be a lie, I think that the bigger truth I learned this year was how to be weak. How to lean on people. And how to just live. The thing is- this year was probably the worst year of my life. I’m not a person who says this lightly. I have not had it easy growing up. But this year was beyond the things… Read more

  • Tell me about yourself

    November 1, 2017 by

    My name is Yuliya Chekmareva and I want to give you a real answer to this question. Or I will try my hardest. I have been asked this question a lot in the past few months. No people aren’t interested in knowing all the intricacies of my soul, all the scars on my heart. They want the perfectly tied together, Yuliya, who will add immense value to a company. Not that Yuliya that is desperate to be hired. It’s the interview question that I have perfected after countless interview preparations. The one I can answer in my sleep without a… Read more

  • home

    November 1, 2017 by

    When people find out that I moved to the great city of Portland, they usually ask if a job brought me out here. And that’s a fair question. I was pretty much jobless when I moved here, so that was definitely not the right answer. The reason for the move is not easy, straight-forward, or short. I usually tell people that I wanted a change. And that’s not entirely untrue, but not the complete answer. But the answer is a hard one for me to face, acknowledge, or speak out loud. And if I do, it usually involves a lot of… Read more

  • you never loved me

    November 1, 2017 by

    You never loved me, you never cared about the things that made me cry, the things that brought a smile to my face.. you never asked about my dreams or knew my greatest fears. You never knew about the things that haunted me. Or the things that still leave scars on my heart. I never loved you. But I cared about you. You made my heart happy. You were the only thing I looked forward to most mornings. I hate the way you made me weak…you left an ache in my stomach like eating too much delicious candy on Easter.… Read more

  • The sun and the moon

    November 1, 2017 by

    We are ying and yang. Opposite sides of a coin. Our strongest traits are each other’s weaknesses. The perfect complimentary pair. You are logical, level-headed, and strong~ nothing can break you down. I am emotional, hot-headed, and fragile~ too soft. I break often. I cry at least once a week. I feel too much. You rescue. You are programmed to fix. You create order out of chaos. You rise out of injustice. Sometimes I wonder how we are born to the same parents; how we share the same genes when we are so completely different. Our true identity mixed in with survival instinct:… Read more

  • I miss you more

    November 1, 2017 by

    I miss you. I miss holding your hand whenever I’m out adventuring, your tall frame in-step with my petite frame. I miss walking up early in the morning and snuggling your warm body. I miss laughing with you. It’s so effortless and innocent. I miss the person you make me want to be, the person I am in your eyes: brave, unstoppable, loving, and beautiful. I miss your perfect button nose and wondrous eyes. To me, you are the most beautiful person in the world. I miss our staring contests. I miss that Harvard University shirt that 2nd grade Natalie… Read more

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